Author: reneeharris

“Raising Godly Tomatoes” by Elizabeth Krueger

Most current secular advice does not do a good job of giving guidance to frazzled moms on how to discipline their children.

And don’t wait until the child is grown up and out of control before issuing a consequence – sometimes it’s the attitude that needs adjusting before it even turns into bad behavior.

And don’t be afraid to spank when it deems necessary. There is a difference between spanking and child beating, contrary to what popular culture thinks. You do have the mental capacity to figure out the difference, so use your common sense.

And whatever you do, be consistent! For some practical tips on how to get started, see www.RaisingGodlyTomatoes.com

“Clutter’s Last Stand” by Don Aslett.

Many other books on the same subject have come out in print, but this still has be the standard by which all other decluttering books are measured.

One application of Decluttering:

Get rid of all your children’s junk toys. Because of that principle, in the beginning of our decluttering phase, we aggressively donated or tossed all toys that weren’t Lego, transportation toys or animal toys. We’ved dubbed our guest room “The Lego Room” because that’s where the toys are, and 90% of our toys are Legos.

You will be amazed at how much more peaceful and organized your home will seem!

Sometimes moms can be so overwhelmed when first having small children that it’s difficult to see past the dirty diapers, broken toys and messy faces.

I have three practical recommendations:

1. declutter your house
2. make sure your form of discipline is solid
3. write out a sensible schedule.

Jonathan and I make it a point to have our children with us in the main church service the entire time so that they too can learn to worship God in a proper manner and context.

We show them by example how to publicly worship our living God. That’s what really changes our child’s life.

Our family is our first ministry because it is our first line of responsibility. When it is time to minister to someone truly in need, we are able to do so because we are available, and not already burned out on secondary activities.

Because we are able to, we also enjoy spontaneous opportunities to minister to others through hospitality and visiting.

(added summer 2009: As I update this webpage, I’m realizing that our family’s physical ability to serve in the church has increased over the past couple of years as our children are able to help out with many “to-do’s” like showing hospitality toward widows when we invite them over, acting as greeter at church, helping me with church fellowship hour or child care for other people’s children, cleaning the property on church clean up day, etc. … and because they’ve been raised to love the Lord, they do so cheerfully.)

In our family, we create a schedule that allows time for the deeper questions that come from our children.

Because our day is not overly packed with evening meetings or errands, we are able to reflect and give the full, complex answers they deserve. We know our children the best, the most intimately, and we are the ones who can give the answer most properly suited to each personality and level of understanding. As parents, Christian parents, we are their “quiet time” – their quiet time to help them ponder the meaning of good and evil, and the message God has for us today, and to help them contemplate the full magnitude of God’s personhood.

These moments cannot be substituted by high-powered youth activities.

And should those high-energy activities be too many, we cut them out of our schedule until the pace is slow enough that we can finally hear that still, small voice of our child, and that of the Holy Spirit.

The pressure to volunteer at any and everything is incredible. But you need to fight the peer pressure.

You need to discern between which of many activities is truly your ministry at this time in your life.

Between women’s ministries, children’s programs, neighborhood outreach, hospitality and couple’s Bible study, there’s barely time. As a couple who saw the danger of our family being bogged down with activities several nights a week, we decided we needed to keep our family time intact and so we cut back….way back.

There will be a time when you, or, more likely “your family”, will be able to staff the important positions to keep a church running, but while your family is growing, your biggest impact on the church and those around it will be a well-trained, God-loving and God-fearing family.

So when do you know when it’s time to branch out and get involved again?

When the seeds that you planted in your home are bearing fruit.

Until then, nurture their growth.

Ask yourself these questions to see if you’re too busy with church programs:

1. Is the family sense of peace sacrificed?
2. Do you snap at your kids when they need you because you only have time for OTHER people’s needs from church when they call you?
3. Is your husband hinting that he would like to see you at home more?
4. Are you volunteering in programs only because no one else will?
5. Do you base your worth as a Christian on how overflowing your calendar looks?

If you answered yes to the above, then it’s time to stop.

It’s time to come home.

The pre-requisite to openness to life in a marriage is a self-giving spouse.

“I’d love to have more children but my husband says we’re done.” Are you complaining about the kids, the house, dumping your struggles on him as he walks through the door? Many husbands put up with more than they should when a wife nags, sulks or complains, and he may feel that adding another child will only worsen her attitude and behavior.

Or, maybe you’re mentally hanging onto that ever-so-important career you once had, and the degree you think you should be going after, or you’re continually entertaining a difference you once made in the world. Take a closer look: as an employee you are replaceable, degrees equal debt, the certificate will gather dust, and maybe you did impact a person or two in the past, but they have moved on and now so should you.

However, YOU are the only one, the only woman, who can most fully mother your child, and your days of fertility are limited. There really is freedom and the correct kind of spiritual pride in realizing that where you can make the greatest impact on other people, including your own children, is right now where you are as a mother.

Thankfully God has already fully equipped you for this position.